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~JadedAngel227:iconJadedAngel227:

Serena  

  • Status: Member
  • Emotional Poet
  • Female/United States
  • Offline for 12h 31m 5s
  • Deviant since Apr 2, 2005, 5:04 PM
  • 34 Deviations
  • 1 Scrap [browse]
  • 80 Deviation Comments
  • 10 Deviant Comments
  • 2,112 Pageviews

The dead and dreaming...

Journal Entry: Wed Dec 20, 2006, 3:17 AM
  • Mood: Scared
  • Listening to: Kevin Devine
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the controversial
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while.

--archy and mehitabel by Don Marquis


There are days when I don't know how to get by. When I am lost and confused and engraged, all at once, swimming in seas of indecision. I am trite, to say the least.

I have been a whore. A druggie. A dropout. A quitter. A non-quitter, but not for the good things. And I am not being metaphorical anymore.

I want to lose myself again. I find comfort in the things that keep me from having to be who I really am. I find comfort in the self-destruction, the loneliness, the emptiness, the solitude. And yet, when I am there, I long for something more. But when I get it, I lose all interest.

It is easier to hurt.

The things that I have done, been, they were never mistakes or bad circumstances. They were choices, calculated and purposeful. They brought me to where I wanted to be, and that was where no one else was. In a hole in the ground.

There is a man who loves me with all that he has in his soul. He wants to bring me back from the brink of insanity. No, he doesn't. He wants to help me bring myself back from the brink. He wants to hold me every night when I cry. He wants to take my pain away.

I love him very much. And yet, I still find myself pushing him away because it is easier. Because it would make me free to bring myself down without any consequences. Because it would make it so that I could die and he wouldn't hurt. But I can't do that this time. I can't make him go away. I need to learn to love the happiness that he gives me.

Dirty no more.
I will be dirty no more.
And the crestfallen me will die.

more later...

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 21
  • Current Residence: home in CT for the time being. hopefully back to Jersey in the Spring.
  • Interests: writing, reading, loving, working hard, dancing, laughing, driving late at night, helping people
  • Favourite movie: You've Got Mail, Batman Begins, Closer, Spiderman 3, Grindhouse, Sliding Doors
  • Favourite band or musician: Bob Dylan, Kevin Devine, Lisa Loeb, Sheryl Crow, Green Day, Jimmy Eat World, The Counting Crows
  • Favourite genre of music: Rock and Roll
  • Favourite artist: the mirror and whoever happens to be looking into it.
  • Favourite poet or writer: Saul Williams, Beau Sia, e.e.cummings, Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac, Sylvia Plath
  • Operating System: my heart.
  • Favourite game: Mortal Kombat Trilogy! And Gutiar Hero. Because who doesn't love Guitar Hero?
  • Favourite cartoon character: Spiderman, I'd have his babies, totally.
  • Tools of the Trade: fingertips and penmanship and ribcages and umbrellas and eyelashes and everything else you can see.

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~cef:iconcef: Jun 4, 2008, 5:08:18 PM
:bug: :heart:
thank you


--
yadda yadda, gulp some rain.
*fredfree:iconfredfree: Jun 1, 2008, 2:22:57 PM
thank you very much (:

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Ff
=PheebsYeahBaby:iconPheebsYeahBaby: May 31, 2008, 3:42:06 PM
thank you! :hug:

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MyPrints? - [link]
MySpace? - [link]
MyBand? - [link]
*GrimEden:iconGrimEden: Apr 14, 2008, 9:34:20 PM
Thank you for the :+fav:.

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~D
~chugglepuff:iconchugglepuff: Apr 14, 2008, 6:15:43 AM
Thanks so much for the fav! :D

--
A stitch in time mucks up the space-time continuum.

Clicking this link will give you superpowers*.

*May just be a very sneaky way to make you look at my page. But probably not.
~bebopbrain:iconbebopbrain: Apr 9, 2008, 1:51:16 AM
hey! you like saul williams...that makes you awesome. yeah.
=FunkyLilith:iconFunkyLilith: Feb 19, 2008, 6:47:08 AM
You have been featured HERE! :heart:

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RADIO PHONE IN CONTEST!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT!

The Creative Revolution | Cat On The Wall - Music and Culture Webzine
~rwork:iconrwork: Feb 17, 2008, 4:11:10 AM
great thank for ur :+fav: on Urban Hyolee

:nod:

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Look Closer !
*Fairytale-Heart:iconFairytale-Heart: Jan 29, 2008, 4:10:18 AM Mood: Love
Thank you for the :+fav: x

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"Streams and rivers are welcomed into the ocean. Accepting everyone, no one is left out. When one knows one is part of something larger than oneself, one can relax. The river floods when its banks are full. Respect your limits; just do what you can do".
~KawaiiJillian:iconKawaiiJillian: Jan 26, 2008, 4:19:13 PM
thank you.

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we're all dying, baby.
~HerrheRR:iconHerrheRR: Jan 10, 2008, 3:56:57 PM
thanks for the add:D

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_________________________
when will children learn to let their wildernesses burn?
and love will be new, never cold and vacant.
~Dangerstorm:iconDangerstorm: Jan 7, 2008, 6:27:01 AM
thanks for the add! You're such a babe!

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Til the water runs clear and the edges disapear----
*Metatetron:iconMetatetron: Jan 5, 2008, 1:03:13 PM
thanks for the many :+fav: and all the support my friend :)

be well

John

--
quia peccavi - nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
*gregoriousone:icongregoriousone: Jan 4, 2008, 9:56:54 AM
many thanks for going crazy with the fave button!

thanks for visiting my little corner of dA, glad you enjoyed you visit!

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___________________________________________

when the going gets weird. the weird turn pro.
-hunter s. thompson
~Darrenluchmun:iconDarrenluchmun: Jan 4, 2008, 6:19:55 AM
Hey, Thanks alot for all the favs.
~ohfever:iconohfever: Jan 2, 2008, 1:41:17 PM
Thank you, dear.

--


And I still had
so much to say and no

words to say it
with.


*tangledseaweed ~ art / photos
:heart:
`PinkyMcCoversong:iconPinkyMcCoversong: Dec 31, 2007, 7:53:53 PM
thanks so much for the :+fav:!

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< GunShyMartyr > PinkyMcCoversong: o hi asl plz
< PinkyMcCoversong > GunShyMartyr: ask again in a cockney accent
< GunShyMartyr > ELLO daaaahling, what's yah name then. giveus a kiss would ya love? yer eighteen roite?
~sheSCREAMSirony:iconsheSCREAMSirony: Dec 28, 2007, 11:19:05 AM
thank you for the favorite. :aww:
~deathforgets:icondeathforgets: Dec 27, 2007, 12:00:20 AM
Thank you so much for the :+fav: on my poem. I would be honored, if you enjoyed that poem - I would be pleased if you read more from my gallery and commented. And if you so found it to be to your liking, you could :+devwatch: me. (:
~MGBarrera:iconMGBarrera: Dec 26, 2007, 8:52:03 PM
thanks for the favorite.
~itsnotmeyousee:iconitsnotmeyousee: Dec 26, 2007, 7:46:17 AM
what a day-after-christmas gift, to find you have been reading and enjoying my words and to read some of your words and find myself enjoying the day the thoughts the love.

i think i can see, from those you favorited, where your heart is. perhaps lingering near the edge of a canyon, perhaps thinking about what is out there, what is behind you, where you are headed. and love.

i look forward to reading more of your words in the future. :heart:
*Negated:iconNegated: Dec 22, 2007, 11:51:44 AM
thanks muchly for the fav & watch

(:

--
order the smexilious combination of black/white witticisms in batches of a thousand words complementing the plethora of shining images breathed into the blown-glass of poetry that is | mimesis | here.
*StrayedMusician:iconStrayedMusician: Dec 16, 2007, 1:42:31 PM
re:

Hello there (:

I just wanted to come by and personally
thank you for taking the time to read
Diamonds and Coal and Novela, and for adding it to
your :+fav: gallery. Your support is
greatly a p p r e c i a t e d.

Much gratitude,

Coelho


--
"I love you more than my own skin." -- Frida Kahlo